Intimacy is one of the most powerful threads that weaves together our relationships, our confidence, and our joy. Yet for many women, sex is also a source of confusion, pressure, shame, or simply something that gets pushed to the bottom of a very long priority list.
In a recent episode of the Life is Beauty Full podcast, host and Evalina Beauty founder Samantha Legge sat down with renowned psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Carolin Klein, co-director of the West Coast Centre for Sex Therapy, to talk openly about the realities of modern intimacy—desire, communication, body image, menopause, and the impact of our digital world. The conversation was refreshingly open and full of practical wisdom to help women feel more empowered, more connected, and more confident in their intimate lives.
Why Understanding Intimacy Matters
Intimacy doesn’t just shape our relationships—it shapes our wellbeing. Human connection, both emotional and physical, is one of the strongest predictors of life satisfaction. And, as Dr. Klein emphasizes, intimacy naturally evolves as we evolve.
One of the first truths she offered was this:
“It is normal to struggle and to have ebbs and flows in your desire.”
Our hormones, responsibilities, energy levels, and confidence all shift across our lifetimes. Understanding this can help release the pressure and guilt so many women carry—especially when desire doesn’t look the way it once did.
Why Desire Changes—And Why It’s Not Your Fault
Many women feel guilt when they “don’t want sex” as much as they believe they should. Dr. Klein reminds us that desire naturally shifts across life stages.
Postpartum & Early Motherhood
Your brain and body are focused on one mission: keeping your baby alive. Hormones suppress desire, exhaustion takes over, your identity shifts, and your “touch bucket” is overflowing.
“Your brain is focused on keeping a human being alive. It’s normal for your brain to not want sex.”
There is nothing wrong with you—your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
The Busy Middle Years
Between careers, parenting, the mental load, and household responsibilities, sex often becomes “one more thing.” Over time, couples can feel disconnected without fully understanding why.
Perimenopause & Menopause
Hormonal changes can bring dryness, discomfort, sleep disruption, and lower libido. Dr. Klein encourages women to advocate for themselves:
“If sex is painful, we need to treat that—or you’re never going to have a great sex life.”
Addressing sleep, hormones, and physical comfort is essential for intimacy and overall wellbeing.
The Most Common Issue in Long-Term Relationships
Across all the couples she works with, Dr. Klein sees one pattern repeatedly: desire discrepancy—one partner wants sex more often than the other. This doesn’t mean the relationship is failing. It simply means two human beings are not in the same rhythm—which is completely normal.
The Myth of Spontaneous Sex
Many women believe sex should “just happen.” But Dr. Klein notes that spontaneous sex is a Hollywood fantasy—not real life. When we’re dating, nothing is spontaneous. We prepare, anticipate, plan, flirt, and create space for connection. But once couples live together, those rituals disappear.
“People wait for sex to fall from the sky. It doesn’t.”
Instead, she suggests being intentional—not rigid—about creating space for intimacy: put away devices, have a shower, create time, sit together, and be emotionally available. Intimacy begins long before sex ever happens.
If Sex Feels Like a Chore… Explore Why
For some women, sex feels draining rather than connecting. When intimacy isn’t enjoyable, the problem usually isn’t desire—it’s often lack of communication, physical discomfort, emotional disconnection, or routines that no longer work. Many couples fall into scripted sex—the same pattern, order, and setting every time. Like anything repetitive, it becomes predictable and unfulfilling.
Simple Ways to Reignite Connection
Improving intimacy doesn’t require dramatic experimentation. Instead, Dr. Klein recommends rediscovering curiosity through subtle sensory shifts.
Play with the Five Senses:
• Change the music
• Try dim lighting or more candles
• Use different fabrics or textures
• Introduce a new scent
• Switch up the room or environment
These small changes can help couples interrupt old patterns and reconnect. This ties into Dr. Klein’s sushi analogy: even your favourite food becomes unappealing if you eat the same roll every night. The brain needs variety—not extravagance.
Body Image: A Major Block to Intimacy
Body image remains one of the biggest barriers to pleasure and connection. Women are inundated with messages that say they’re not enough, and when we’re self-conscious, we disconnect from the moment.
“For every minute I try to help women improve their body image, the world gives them 3,000 minutes of messages saying something’s wrong with them.”
And yet, she also offers this liberating truth: “Men overwhelmingly care more about enthusiasm than a ‘perfect’ body."
Your presence, playfulness, and willingness to receive pleasure create far more connection than physical “perfection.”
Technology: The New Intimacy Disruptor
Phones, tablets, and streaming platforms often become silent third partners in relationships. Couples sit side by side yet enter separate digital worlds. It’s not about removing devices—it’s about being intentional with them. Consider device-free evenings or rituals that help transition from digital life back into connection.
For Single Women and Long-Distance Relationships
Intimacy isn’t limited to physical closeness or romantic partnerships. For single women, deep friendships matter, community connection is nourishing, and getting off devices creates more room for real-life experiences. For long-distance couples, emotional openness is intimacy. Deep conversation, curiosity, and communication build closeness even across distance.
Practices You Can Start Today
If you want to deepen connection, the simplest place to start is to talk. But if talking about sex feels intimidating, begin with something easier: change the sensory environment. A new song, lighting, or texture can transform energy and open the door to meaningful conversations.
These small acts signal:
I want to connect.
I want to try.
You matter to me.
Dr. Klein left listeners with a powerful reminder, “No one lies on their deathbed wishing they’d done more dishes.”
At the end of our lives, what we treasure most are our relationships, our joy, our experiences, our pleasure, and our connection. If intimacy enriches your life, strengthens your relationship, or enhances your wellbeing, then it deserves space and intention.
And if intimacy feels painful, confusing, or distant, you are not alone. Support exists, and you are worthy of pleasure, connection, and confidence at every stage of life.
Because intimacy isn’t just physical—it’s emotional, relational, and deeply human. And like beauty itself, it lives within us, grows with us, and flourishes when we give it room to shine.